“Super Dad”

You would think with all of the custody battles over who’s the better parent, the United States would be full of amazing parents. God knows we spend obscene amounts of money on attorneys trying to secure more time with our kids. Countless hours of our lives gone, strategizing against the other parent for more time with our kids. All the sleepless nights rehearsing our court appearance, so the judge grants us more time with our kids. These are unfortunately typical realities for couples who breakup that have children together. But if we all were to be just a little bit honest, most of that effort isn’t to spend more time with our kids. It’s to fucking annihilate our ex’s, and at this point we don’t even want to associate them as our kids’ other parent. Now, skip forward to after the custody battle, where is all the amazing parenting? Ask your kids how amazing you are doing, and buckle up for that answer.

So, my situation has a bit of a twist from the typical custody fight; there was no actual custody fight. He admittedly spends ZERO time with his children, and doesn’t ask to see them. Ever. But, I do find myself being regularly inundated, while in child support court, with his self proclaimed “super dad” title. In every damn one of the declarations he has filed, he’s rambled on about an amazing relationship that never existed between him and his kids. The spectrum of emotions he evokes while reenacting events that never took place is fucking awesome. His written and spoken speeches detail this sticky sweet love he professes to have for his children. All the while exclaiming the true tragedy in this situation is his inability to impart his wisdom and brilliance on his children, due to the fact that the mother (me) has poisoned his children against him.

Reality check. Our kids are almost 14, and their father has only actually seen them 9 times since they were 6; and those 9 visits were all in a 3 month period almost 3 years ago. That 9th visit was a doozy; he left them in a park at 11 years old, because he did not want to answer their questions about why he was so mean to them. The kids had tried in the past to address this on their own, as their father had convinced the judges, mediators, counselors, attorneys, friends, teachers and relatives that these “stories” the kids say were planted by me. To my surprise, the kids recorded this 9th visit, because they were sick and tired of being told that these events were not real. The last thing their father said to them on that 9th visit was, “Well, it doesn’t sound like you want a relationship with me. Give me call when you do.”. Who the hell says this to 11 year olds?!? He has no idea that his kids recorded him that day, because custody just doesn’t up. But, the day just can’t come soon enough when I can shove that straight up his fucking ass!

Sometimes I wonder if he really believes the bullshit that flies out of his mouth, or a truly scary thought is that he really might not know he is a fucking psychopath. Honestly, I don’t know what would be worse. Either way, my kids are related to him and genetically, they are fucked. But, I digress.

A happy picture of himself on Father’s Day holding a dog in a park prompts his friends on Facebook to post congratulatory accolades for his stellar parenting. “Super Dad” is stitched across a hat that he wears often and with pride. Mutual friends have told me stories about his version of events which include thousands of dollars in child support, police incidents, and many other fabricated details. But in reality, there are no phone calls on their birthday, no cards on Christmas, not even an attempt at the facade of being a “super dad”. Also, a slight discrepancy in the amount of child support; it’s only $359 per month and no health insurance. Remember Asshole, I am not the keeper of your secrets.

Now, let’s go back in time to this supposed “super dad” era, before we broke up. Multiple times he left the kids alone at child themed restaurants using the locations as some sort of babysitting facility. He would take the kids to restaurants and would leave them in the lobby while he ate in the dining area. “Parks” that he took his children to were not parks at all, they were fields of weeds that he would tell the kids to play in while he talked on his cell phone.

Christmas time was an unusually big deal for him, as it served as the anchor of his “super dad” propaganda campaign. Presents overflowed out of his trunk and happy pictures of the kids and him were given to each relative at his family’s Christmas dinner, so everyone could see what a “super dad” he really was. The fucking psycho parts of him, no one else seems to see it. He would return to the store every last fucking gift he gave to his children, and still all the pictures were posted on Facebook with “super dad” at a lovely holiday event. He would even return the outfits they wore in the Christmas pictures. (Just to be clear: I found out about all of this from my daughter’s teacher in a distressing phone call. I immediately split up with him.)

All of this used to not make sense to me, until a few weeks ago we were in court once again for him to lower child support. A light bulb finally came on, and it was fucking bright. I realized that he had patiently garnered the child support court’s pity as a wronged “super dad”, and hence the leniency the judge gives him toward the required amount of child support. The two attorneys that I have had over the past 3 years have not taken his “super dad” ramblings seriously, and advised me not to address or respond to them, because child support court was not the proper venue to argue child custody issues. Oh, but they were both fucking wrong, those assholes!

He is a true salesman, a very calculating and kinda scary salesman, but a very good one. The court bought his bullshit a long time ago. I get it now. He is bat shit crazy, but when I talk about it…oh fuck, I look bat shit crazy! This has been some sort of insane game for him; convincing everyone he is a “super dad”, and the whole time he is just a fucking narcissistic psychopath! But he does look good in a suit…And that’s another thing, how the hell do you convince a judge you can only afford $359 per month child support for 2 kids, while standing there in $1000 shoes? God, he is good…

He is the only father that I know that can claim to be the best father in the world, without having to do one fucking fatherly thing. “Super dad” my ass…

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