Blame

It is not the court’s fault or responsibility that we created children with people that we are unable to co-parent with. Now, I realize that might be a bit overwhelming to take responsibility for our own doing on how we got into the situations. But this is where we need to start. Until we are honestly able to do that, we will merely be victims of our own lives. And being a victim just means we have people in our lives we can regularly blame for our circumstances.

For instance, if we know the other parent so well, why would we continue the same actions that would invoke a known response? And then get mad when that response happens. It’s a vicious cycle that we must steer clear of. Now, I am not saying that we should necessarily alter our goals, because I believe that our goals involve doing what is best for our children. I am just saying that our approach must be altered. Think of it like this, we are “selling” our point of view to whomever is the current listener. And if while we are in court it’s like a broken record of responses from the other parent, then switch up which record we are playing. Catch them off guard. Make them think before they respond. It cannot be a canned response if we aren’t acting in our typical ways.

This also happens with attorneys and judges. Sometimes it seems like we get the same result over and over. When this happens, we have to take a step back (or a few) to see how we were ineffective on “selling” our ideas. A big emphasis point here, is to realize that attorneys are only there to represent us, and if they do not effectively do that, we need to fire them and keep searching for one who does. Blaming an attorney for not effectively representing you, will never result in them representing you effectively. The same goes for the judge in your case. Do not give the judge the same opportunity. Switch up your approach. It can be exhausting, but just remember your goal; your kids, and they are worth it.

All of this can be summed up this way, you are teaching your children how to deal with challenging things in their lives. It is our responsibility to learn how to deal with life for the sake of teaching that same skill to our children. Our lives are our responsibility, period. And we owe it to our children to teach them to be effective with that responsibility, and that blame only leads to victim-hood.

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